CELEBRITY
Is Taylor Swift’s romance with Travis Kelce the ULTIMATE example of healthy attachment? Psychologists agree and give reasons why while others STRONGLY disagree..
Taylor Swift has spent nearly two decades writing songs about her past relationships.
The 34-year-old popstar has also enjoyed relationships with a string of high-profile lovers, including John Mayer, Jake Gyllenhaal, Joe Jonas, and Harry Styles.
However, after splitting from British actor Joe Alwyn last year, Taylor is now in whirlwind romance with Travis Kelce, 34, a tight end for the possible Super Bowl champs the Kansas City Chiefs.
Despite years of heartbreak, psychologists told DailyMail.com that the Eras Tour star appears to have reprogrammed her previously damaging attachment style, displayed during her previous romances.
The experts have conducted forensic analyses of the pair’s relationship – based on clips, images and reports that have surfaced since their romance became public knowledge last fall.
Despite widespread accusations that their connection is ‘fake’ and a ‘publicity stunt’, the relationship experts have claimed that the couple represent the ‘ultimate example of a genuine, healthy attachment style’.
Experts said that the star couple has demonstrated several signs of secure attachment. For example, although they are often seen together at events or out in public, a crucial sign of their secure relationship is that they aren’t attached at the hip, avoiding enmeshment and giving each other necessary space.
Additionally, their relaxed body language around their friends and family shows a strong sense of comfort and vulnerability.
‘It seems they’re on more of an even field,’ Dayana Romero, a registered psychotherapist and dating coach in Canada, told DailyMail.com: ‘They seem to balance each other out.’
‘There’s no dramas or traumas.’
The topic of attachment styles has generated much attention on social media over the past few years – as more millennial and Gen Z users engage in psychological therapy.
So-called attachment theory is a nearly century-old idea from psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth that examines how infanthood and early childhood relationships impact relationships throughout your life – particularly romantic ones.
There are thought to be ‘styles’ of attachment: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
For example, if your parents were attentive and reliable, you are more likely to develop a secure attachment style.
This means you don’t live in fear of being abandoned by a partner, or push people away to avoid getting hurt.
However, if parents were distant, there is a higher risk of developing an insecure attachment style, such as anxious or avoidant.
Dr Melissa A Fabello, a relationship coach in California, previously told DailyMail.com: ‘All insecure attachment styles start similarly: with trauma in childhood. Among other factors, how caregivers respond – or attune – to children has an impact on how we organize ourselves psychologically.’
‘That is, we learn to respond to the world around us based on how we best feel safe. If you have an insecure attachment style, it will show up in her relationships.’
This shapes how you approach relationships, especially romantic ones.
Psychologists have speculated that, based on her song lyrics and previous relationship, that Taylor has more of an avoidant or anxious attachment style.
People with this these types of attachment often feel insecure in their relationships.
Even if they still feel close to and supported by their partners, they are plagued with fears of abandonment and mistrust, as well as low self-esteem.
They may also avoid emotional closeness by pushing others away or walking away from a relationship before feelings can form.
Anxious and avoidant attachment have been associated with mental health difficulties, as well as feeling like you’re losing control in daily life, according to a 2015 study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.
However, Ms Romero believes that Taylor and Travis are an example of healthier forms of attachment. ‘It’s coming across as a secure attachment style,’ she said.
One hallmark of secure attachment, Ms Romero said, is mutual support.
Both Taylor and Travis have demanding careers and schedules, especially as the Midnights hitmaker jetsets around the world on the international leg of her Eras Tour and the football star preps to potentially win his third Super Bowl this weekend.
However, the two still prioritize each supporting each other. Taylor, for example, is often spotted at Chiefs games around the country, while Travis has been seen singing along to the set list at Taylor’s concerts alongside her father, Scott.
Taylor has also shown willingness to be by her beau’s side by committing to a mammoth trip through 17 time zones this weekend to travel from her concert in Tokyo to Las Vegas to watch Travis in the Super Bowl.
‘I don’t know anybody who gets off from singing 44 songs on a one-night tour then jumps on a plane for 12 hours just to be there for their partner,’ Ms Romero said.
‘That does show a high level of security as well as a high level of support. They’re both supporting each other’s careers.’
Ms Romero cautioned that it’s crucial for people in relationships, especially relatively new ones, to be careful of enmeshment.
This is when couples, friends, or family members have no emotional independence, meaning they feel like they have to be together at all times or that they have no autonomy.
Ms Romero brought up the fact that Travis didn’t accompany Taylor to the Grammy’s last weekend, where she made history as the first musician to win Artist of the Year four times.
Travis, who was preparing for the Super Bowl, also admitted the day after that he hadn’t spoken to his girlfriend since her big win.
However, Ms Romero said this could be a sign of them keeping a healthy amount of distance and not falling victim to enmeshment.
‘He wasn’t able to be there when she won the award, but he was still supportive of her. He was still praising things about her,’ Ms Romero said. ‘That’s what I want from my couples.’
‘It’s no different than if any of us have a partner. We’re not always going to be able to be at our partner’s things when they would want us to be or when we would like to be, but what it always will come down to is what’s going on behind closed doors.’
‘Maybe they went out to dinner later. Maybe they celebrated it in another way.’
Another key aspect of healthy attachment is how couples interact with each other’s families.
‘One of the main things always want to look at is when an individual is hesitant to introduce the other individual to their family. You always have to question why. Is it the person themselves, or is it the family themselves?’ Ms Romero said.
In Taylor and Travis’ case, their families have been closely intertwined from the get go.
Taylor is often spotted alongside Travis’ mother, Donna, during football games, while Travis and Taylor’s father, Scott, have been seem jamming out together during the Eras tour.
In December, Scott and Travis’ father, Ed, were even seen watching the Chiefs game together in the VIP box.
‘In this case, they’ve already made the introductions, and it shows, based on what we see from the outside, that the families and her are interacting well,’ Ms Romero said.
‘They’re having positive interactions.’
‘That 100 percent would show a secure attachment. You can see that there’s something in the relationship that’s going right. You can see that the relationship is secure.’
Ms Romero also pointed to the body language Taylor and Travis display when they’re spending time with his family. She noted that they all often lean in close and seem relaxed, often smiling and laughing with each other.
Additionally, she noted that Taylor’s attachment style could have evolved over time as she’s faced multiple heartbreaks and gotten older.
In her younger years, Taylor built up a reputation for bouncing between short-term relationships with high-profile figures like John Mayer, Joe Jonas, and Jake Gyllenhaal.
During these relationships, fans and psychologists have pointed out that her song lyrics in the past have showcased a fear of abandoment, blaming herself, and signs of moving too fast in relationships.
With Travis, Ms Romero sees a shift.
‘They just seem like an everyday natural couple just trying to live their life. It doesn’t seem like they’re doing publicity stunts, it doesn’t seem like they’re trying to get the relationship noticed more because they’re endorsing something,’ she said.
‘It just seems like all the things that they’re doing are quite normal. They just seem happy.’